Tell Us Yours
Want to join in the fun? You can submit conversations, snippets or just plain interesting stories that you've heard while out and about for other visitors to the site to share in and enjoy.
Names, dates and locations may be changed to protect the innocent and unwary. And, if we get enough good quality submissions, we'll try and turn them into a book for Charity.
First the legal stuff…
Terms and conditions: By submitting content to this site you automatically grant the authors Mark Love & Jacqui Saunders the royalty-free, non-exclusive right and license to use, reproduce, modify, adapt, publish, translate and distribute the content (in whole or in part) worldwide and/or to incorporate it in other works in any form, media or technology now known or hereafter developed in this reality or any other reality yet to be discovered for the full term of any copyright that may exist in such content.
Still with us? Excellent!
We’ll be gentle with your contribution. Promise!
What Did You Overhear?
You must enter your email address or your post will not be accepted.
Your email address will not be displayed to the public.
Posts with HTML in them will not be accepted.
9 Earwiggings
Showing 1 - 9
Talking to the wall
TALKING TO THE WALL
CUSTOMER: Do you have Blank's Fruit Loaf?
ASSISTANT: I am afraid that company no longer supplies us. Victims of the credit crunch, they have shut down their distribution centre, sacked all their drivers and now operate only in Wales.
CUSTOMER: Yes, but when will you get their fruit loaf in?
Expecting an elephant?
My 6 month pregnant friend recently (May) had this conversation over the garden fence with her neighbour, a middle aged woman with a teenage son:
NEIGHBOUR: Were you away this weekend?
MY FRIEND: Yes we went to a birthday party down south. I thought I'd make the best of it as I won't be doing much of it for a while (smiles pointedly)
NEIGHBOUR: Oh?
MY FRIEND: well...you know...(pats her stomach) I'm expecting a baby
NEIGHBOUR: Really? (has a good look at the bump) When are you due?
MY FRIEND: August
NEIGHBOUR: This August or next August?
Aha, I see...
CUTE GIRL (to a male friend): Theoretically, he doesn't want me at all.
On a Boat
GUY 1: So you just carry around business cards that let people know you're the captain of your own boat?
GUY 2: Yes (Hands him a card)
Exactly What it Says on the Box
A Man overheard in a supermarket.
MAN: Do any of these Taste the Difference Brandy Rich Mince
Pies come without brandy?
Death of Another Hamster
Several years ago, when working in a branch of a well known high street bank in Sheffield, I was privy to the following conversation between my colleague Alice and our customer Mrs G. an older lady whose speech wasn't always very clear
ALICE: Hello Mrs G, and how are you today?
MRS G: Oh, not so good, me aunteh died last week.
Ali: I'm sorry to hear that. They're sweet litte things aren't they?
MRS G looked puzzled.
ALICE: (continuing) ...mind you they don't last very long, you could always get another.
Mrs G then completed her transaction and left. At this point Alice turned round to see the rest of her colleagues doubled up. What we'd heard and she had misheard was that it wasn't our customers Hamster which was sadly deceased, but in actual fact was her Auntie.
Standards
Two American girls in the queue to the Imperial War Museum.
FIRST GIRL: And I came down in the morning and Louise was
clipping her toenails on my deck.
SECOND GIRL: No!
FIRST GIRL: I was like, how gross? I mean I walk barefeet on there, I don't want to be picking bits of her toenail out of my feet.
SECOND GIRL: She's done it now, she's gonna have to go.
Hidden Compliment?
The scene: a pavement 'cafe' outside a burger stand on the Moor in Sheffield A lady wearing an alpine print fleece jacket is sat at a table when Woman 1 approaches:
Woman 1: I hope you don't mind me asking, but where did you get your jacket from?
Woman 2 (preening): Ooh, it were from an advert in t'back of one of Sunday papers. Why? do you like it?
Woman 1: No, not really, but me mam wants one.
It is at this point I had to leave, before I dropped my coffee laughing!
Mr Concerned
MAN IN SHOP: What I want to know is how many of these here Faux have died to make this cushion cover?